Why my husband never say "I Love you"?

last SG · 2008-01-08T08:57:58+00:00

Thanks, but when she initiate it, it even more sweeter isn't it ?

Yunhaier SG

I don't agree that man are like that after they are married - what I don't agree exactly is the rationale behind the behaviour; that it's because of marriage per se that sparked this dry & monotonous attitude towards Love.

The reason why men hardly express themselves is because this codex is not found naturally in their system. Unless they acquire it in their system to do so naturally; to say 'I Love You' is in fact going against the current. It seemed so unmasculine to say something like these.

What happen is that these men merely reiterate the way their father behave to their mum, in which all that subconsciously captured itself during the man's childhood development. Without exercising conscious wisdom to evolve, they will repeat the same style or mannerism into their marriage.

I think it's bullshit when I hear guys telling me that it's so 'not ok' to express love, often citing that love is never having to say.

I think it's saddening.

Something so natural, only to be suppressed by our psychological barrier to self expression.

Have you people ever met a certain kind of death... a sudden death that claim a life overnight and you have absolutely no more chance to express your affection?

Tombstone perhaps? Crying your guts out and regret the hell out of your life?

I have seen something like that. It's tragic. So fucking tragic. Idea

Cheers

Jezmeister SG

I disagree, I don't think I ever heard my dad say it to my mum but I happily say it all the time to my fiancée, in public if that's where we are, and same with a lot of other guys I know, and a lot of them are 'big, hard metalheads' - if they love their gf they're more than happy to say it at least in private and show it wherever, even two of my best mates who both are completely people you'd not expect to be soppy always kiss goodbye etc in public.
I'm not saying it's not possible to love without saying or showing it so much I just think that what you're saying is a massive stereotype and perhaps isn't quite really the case, at least not anymore.

Yunhaier SG

My dear, that's because you learn it to acquire it in your system somehow and not deny your innate self expression. I din say that it's absolute that parental influence will overrule, but this psychological pattern is very apparent. Albeit its likely, but individual evolution have the last say in all things in life.

To be expressive is an acquired thing - I don't see it as something impossible. Like I say, it's a codex - anyone can learn to download the 'software' into their system, if they have the wisdom to uncover it.

I am glad for you. Idea

Cheers

ShrodingersCat SG

i dont feel that love needs to be stated verbally to make it a true expression of affection. If a person's actions speaks of love, it can speak it louder and with more depth than words.

For e.g. my parents does not ever say that they love me. But each time they see me after a long time apart, my dad will hug me and my mom will look very happy. A friend of mine, her dad would go and cook for her and clean up house when she has a baby - all without asking for thanks - and that's our relationship with our parents knowing they love without words.

My husband don't often say the words "I love you". But what he does for me, I can see it with more clarity than in other relationships I had been in, where the words "I love you" had been said. it is in a the small considerations - the fruits he would slice after dinner, putting toothpaste on my toothbrush in the morning. .. the way he looks at me when I being my usual crazy self... etc.

I don't think it was because there was no love in other relationships, but that while one can FEEL love, and SPEAK of love - to show LOVE is actually something that you need to learn and practice in our daily mundane lives, and not some 'melodrama' sacrifice.

And it was this which he taught me in our marriage as I struggled to learn how to be less selfish, less individualistic in my considerations, so that I can learn to 'show' that i love him, rather than take the easy way out by simply saying it.

It isn't easy and I am still learning from my better half.

the.owl SG

guys are like that, get used to it Rolling Eyes

guys are practical, if there is no immediate reason to say something, we dont say it.

mona_lisa SG

but I really cannot feel any love from him. I tried kissing him in the morning and told him must kiss me when he sees me in the morning. After few weeks of morning kiss, I gave up. He never initiate. It's a simple expression but he just couldn't do it.

He did nothing that I feel is love for me. Crying or Very sad

jojobeach SG

He is in love with another woman.

mona_lisa SG

But he's a decent man. Pick the children home everyday. Seldom go out type. Where got time for another woman?

Or the body is with me but the heart is somewhere else? Laughing No lah don't think there another woman cos neber see him sms nor talk on the phone secretly.

Aaron8209 SG

easy to tell…that he lost interest in u liao…ya.change urself…so he will love u more.

jojobeach SG

A seemingly decent man, does not means his heart will not stray.

He does not have to be physically with another woman to be attracted to her.

I think you really need to do something to spice up your marriage, or go for marriage counseling.

This is an amber light, please heed your instinct.

ShrodingersCat SG

If you really wish to put in the sparks in the relationship... you can try maybe things that are more 'spontaneous'. Don't let it become a habit like 'must kiss in the morning' or else end up next time u will post in the forum "my hubby kiss me every day in the morning, but no feeling one."

You cannot 'force' him to feel romantic but you can create a conducive environment where he will feel more compelled to want to show his affection. Unfortunately, it means patient initiative, and not demands.

Do you compliment him? Sometimes adults, like children, need encouragement to do things and a lot of motivation. If he kisses you just once, do you just feel quietly happy, or do you tell him "u know I really find it very touching when you do that." THEN DON'T EXPECT HIM TO DO IT again. (read above paragraph about habits.)

Also, sometimes certain things might be easy for him to do, but certain things he just don't like to do, then cannot force him to do these to 'show' his love also. Try and find sometihng he is good at that you like, then show him your appreciation of it.

Hope things works out better for you and your hubby Smile

angel7030 SG

Huh! no kisses, liao liao lah. Yo, auntie, start to look out for any clues in his car, shirt, h/p, or whatever. Decent family men are the most dangerous men, i hv been approach by them so many times, but i knew i can never hurt another woman heart, no good.

It is because of being decent, responsible with abit of dignity left, he become quiet, silent and even harboured self guiltness, so he just go thru the motion as a family man, take care of childrens and sex with u, but sex with u is the only thin line you are walking with him.

Check it out, you can also trace him or call in a PI, but be prepare, I hope u can handle the truth, some wifeys just couldn't believe it when photos shown hubby with beautiful gal, that they still believe it a mistake or just a colleague, dun be blind by love ya. Some wifey are so good that they just let it go for the sake of the family and childrens because to make a hell out of it or divorce, is a disgrace especially to some traditional asiatic culture.

noopi SG

that's why dun wan to get married Laughing

how not to get tired of each other for 40 years?

2 years oredi buey tahan liaos

ghimpheng SG

Action Speak Louder than words

does his action show that he love you if yes no worries

if no then you have to start worrying

ikashi SG

Rolling Eyes He regretted marrying you

justdoit77 SG

Is there anything we can do for you?

JerryYan SG

Man r born to be like that, wat to do ? Rolling Eyes
They don't believe in public intimacy after marriage Embarassed

Xelement SG

i tink guys realli not good at expressing themselves sometimes..

haha find some ways to spice up marriage?
u ask him to kiss u every morning sounds like a chore lehs..u kiss him he oso bo push u away rites? Razz so its ok la Very Happy maybe he just dun wanna initiate(sp) nia..

hmm could it be his work stress? Rolling Eyes

Isis SG

don't know. This one you have to trust ur gut.. does he love u anot ?

Guardx SG

doing all the simple thing in life is the love which you do not see.

Woman always want more and more....

Do you seriously want him to kiss and love you all the time? but kiss and make love to another behind your back.

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